Friday, December 3, 2010

Santa Stories

This is an actual conversation between my girlfriend and I the other day as we were watching TV together..

Her: Here's something to watch, "The Dog Who Saved Christmas".

Me: Let me guess-this one Santa gets kidnapped, abducted, beaten, tortured, raped, sodomized, maimed, murdered, killed and set on fire. Along comes a lovable canine, perhaps a talking puppy, rescues Santa from the perils of Hell and saves Christmas. For that, all the children in the world are happy.

Her: So you've seen that one before?

Me: No. All these new Christmas movies are the same. Something happens to Santa and he gets rescued by some kid or dog and Christmas is saved. It gets old and mundane after awhile. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Her: So you don't like Christmas movies?

Me: I like 'em, but I'd would to see something original for a change.

Her: Like what?

Me: How about a drunken Santa, despondent over the loss of Mrs. Claus, crashes into the side of a 747 with his sleigh, killing everybody aboard? Think about the legal repercussions about that one...

Her: You're crazy...

Me: You have no idea...How about Santa in the Philippine jungle gunning down terrorists? Like Rambo? That ought to be a hoot! Or an elf murdered in Santa's workshop. A CSI crew comes in a clears Santa as the prime suspect. I could go on...

Her: Please don't...

Me: Or Santa can do a romantic comedy...

6 comments:

YourZenMine said...

Hey Drew - it's Mine here. Funnily enough a few years ago a friend and I wrote a film script about something similar - where Mrs Claus is having it away with the head Elf, who then sabotages Santa's sleigh so he crashes in the desert and has to eat the reindeer to survive. And if you want a really dark Christmas film, you can have one this year: Rare Exports. http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ipad-application/review-rare-exports-a-christmas-tale/story-fn6cc2fg-1225964061955

Happy Holidays!

Anonymous said...

This is a true conversation that we had. I just can't believe that he wrote this. When he read it to me last night I was laughing really hard.

I can tell everyone this. What ever he writes is really good. He does have a real good sense of humor. I love how he writes and I know he writes from his heart.

drewzepmeister said...

Santa crashes into the desert and eats his reindeer to survive...I love it! It's brilliant! I'd love to that movie...Thanks for your thoughts, Mine!

Anonymous, about that romantic comedy...

Perplexio said...

Santa did romantic comedy actually... Santa Claus 2: The Mrs. Clause. Tim Allen as Santa, Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet on Lost) as his love interest.

And I think ABC Family did a few films about Santa's daughter, Samantha, taking over the family business. There was a love interest for her in those as well.

I'll stick with Love Actually, White Christmas, and It's a Wonderful Life for Christmas movies.

Anonymous said...

Well I guess you are to late on getting them to do the romantic movie about Santa Claus. I forgot about them.

drewzepmeister said...

Oh yeah, I forgot about that movie....