Monday, November 23, 2009

At the Crossroads

Since October 19th, my personal life has been in shambles. Much of it is in confusion and pain. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've made many mistakes in past and many of them have caught up to me. I've been doing a lot of soul searching here trying to find answers to the questions that I have. All I found were more questions. Life has so many paths to follow.

So here I am, sitting in the crossroads of my life, smoking a cigarette-thinking of the path to follow. I know want I what in life per say, but getting there is the hard part. There are so many obstacles and "walls" in way of my true happiness. So where do I go from here? Which way is the right way? I 've been trying to use my better wisdom to make the right choice. And that is hard to do.

In my soul searching (and after a recent conversation with a friend) I came to realize and accepted a few things. Some of these things are something I had already knew, but I didn't want to hear. Like-

-You can't really always get what you want-
-Hopes and dreams don't always come true-
-The Lord works in the mysterious ways-
-Love doesn't always conquer all, but it can sometimes divide the heart and mind-
-Sometimes you can't always go down the road you chose-

I keep talking about "walls" in the path. This wall that I have before me is way too hard for me to break. My fingernails are chipped and my chisels are broken. It'll take a miracle to get to the other side. Now I must go down another path. It's not the path I had chosen, but it's a way out of my personal cell. Who knows were this path is going lead to?

So I flipped my cigarette and I am starting to walk down this path....


Anonymous said...

Good Luck. I know you will do well. You will always have friends to help you and family to turn to. Your JTI family is the best.

Beejay said...

Drew, I'm glad you flipped the cigarette it is time to flip the past away and look straight ahead. There is someone out there for you...perhaps around the next corner, perhaps not. They will pop up when you least expect to meet someone and probably in the last place you would think. It will be someone who just seems to appear in your life...a chance meeting if you will.

But this I do know, there is someone out there just waiting to meet you.

Have a blessed holiday, Drew.

drewzepmeister said...

Thanks Beejay! You and the rest of the JTI are some the greatest friends anyone could ask for! You guys' love and support are everything to me!

Perplexio said...

Before I met my wife, I was on the road to becoming a rather bitter mysoginistic prick (to put it nicely).

I've been in love with 3 different women in my life. The third time being my wife. The first 2 did a real number on me. For a variety of reasons things didn't work out. There were a few other girls I dated but in hindsight I know I was never really in love with them-- not in the way I should have been. At any rate before my wife there were 2 girls I honestly thought were "the one."

After each of those relationships, I took myself out of the game for awhile. I stopped looking for love. Took some "me" time to figure out who I was as an individual again. In any relationship there is a tendency to lose a little bit of yourself. At any rate, I wasn't looking for love when I found my wife.

Rarely does one find love when looking for it. It's not about finding love, it's about being open to letting love find you.

drewzepmeister said...

Good advise, Perplexo. It's that it's so hard to let go. I really thought we were soul mates. Sometimes I still do. I'm trying....

Anonymous said...